Portrait

Two men entered and I thought I was dreaming.
I heard the sounds of what were laughter.
And expected the door to slam off the hinges.
The dark initiates my fear and I tell myself nothing can hurt me.
Nothing can hurt me.
The blanket weighs 300 pounds pinning me on my stomach.
Although my eyes are open, I see nothing but a spiraling glow
that radiates an alarm clock on a nightstand.
Hands are gripping me.
The sheets are twisted, I'm suffocating.
I smell nail polish.
I picture my mother out in the garden
on a spring day planting new strawberry seeds.
The earth aroma as she turns the soil lingers.
And I imagine my life as a princess.
Nothing can hurt me.
It's 5:47 a.m. and the sun looks as though
it's just about to defeat the night sky.
A battle between good and evil
that rages on through centuries unnoticed.
My night gawn is taggled above my hips.
I went to sleep with panties on and I smell blood.
My breasts are exposed and sore.
One of them has bite marks.
Blinding light from the bathroom crushes my eyes.
I try to stand up and the weight of the world buckles my knees.
Nothing can hurt me.
The dawn breaks and this veil I carry around for secrecy is about to melt.
Something inside my veins explode.
And I realize I'm not looking at a portrait now.
We are all living in it.


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The smoke clears and in whispering waves of self-mutilation I can see the dark sky fall to pieces.
The world is sometimes too heavy to breath and the dead surround me like an ocean.
I cant recognize the reflection looking back through the mirror.
I only grasp the concept of what its like to walk through life with a stranger holding a knife to my neck.
The empty shell of a shattered boy I know possess is my new skin.
Pain is my only horizon, hate, is my only form of flattery, ugly is the world around me and nowhere beyond the infinite infrastructure of the eternal lonely soul can my blackened heart be found.
If you want a glimpse of torment and bittersweet visions delight, Ill gladly cut my head off so you can look down the hole.
Nothing there will bring the joyful bliss you crave.
Drinking lighter fluid to start a fire inside my guts, I am on a slow painful ride through the underbelly of hell and I wont mind if this is where we say goodbye and go our separate ways.

I am inside of you.
Living and breathing.

I am William Control

They dwell in the night,
and plague your black dreams
Much more than human
Devouring your screams
They are the stuff of nightmares
The ice in your veins
Gnawing like maggots
in freshly...