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By M.E. Dabiri in Tehran
28 June 2009
[TEHRAN BUREAU]

I say, I dont accept him as my president. I havent accepted him for the past four years, and I dont accept him for the next four years.

You say, he has drawn 24 million votes (out of 42 million); he is now the legitimate president of the country.

I say, this sounds like a re-run of the last election. You have cheated again on the votes; he couldnt possibly have drawn 24 million votes.

You smack me on the head with a baton.

I have many friends who say you have done the same thing. You shot one of them in the heart, you shot a pregnant woman in the abdomen; you killed at least 19 people for protesting your fraudulent elections.

I say, all right, Ill just go home and mind my own business. That is what Ive done all my life. You were the one who encouraged me to vote.

You say, that is because we want to show the world that this is a democracy, that people turn out en masse to vote; this will legitimize our republic.

I say, how can it legitimize your republic when you cheat on such a massive scale?

You take out a gun and threaten to kill me.

I say, o.k., o.k., Ill just go home and fix dinner. How about ash-e kashk with a long baguette? I mean, who wanted a democracy anyway? The country was ruled by a king for 2,500 years. (At least then we had a queen we could ogle.) If you had just told me that you were a king in a black turban, I would have just accepted it; I dont know.

You see, I dont even trust in your wisdom. A spiritual guardian is supposed to be wise. I say, not only do I not accept the president, but I dont even accept the valiy-e faqih.

You dont want to talk about that because it is written in the constitution that the country is to be ruled by a valiy-e faqih, who is commander in chief of the armed forces, and who has the final word on foreign policy, who never wants to improve relations with the United States (because that would weaken his position — if he didnt have an enemy, who could he blame for everything?)

I say, why dont we make a deal? You rule the country according to your interpretation of the Quran and Nietzsches idea of the will to power, and I will listen to Michael Jackson.

Then you will have a nation to rule, while I will stop being insulted by a turbaned king who cheats me, lies to me, beats me with a stick, and then calls for unity.